My Halloween Trust Issues

I was never the type of person to have trust issues. Well, actually, okay I take that back.

I have trust issues in some aspects of my life, but it never revolved around friends or family. It's definitely gotten better now, and I can proudly say I'm opening up to a lot that I may not have been so down for in the past, but when I was younger I literally thought everyone was against me.

I never realized that I felt that way until I was talking to a friend about Halloween. If you don't know (which you probably don't (or maybe you do?)), Halloween is my favorite holiday. Something about getting to feel so rebellious when you're younger just because you can stay up till 10 and eat all the candy you want, stuck with me. I also love the horror films and the creepy special effects makeup. On a side note, I wanted to be a special effects make-up artist when I was younger, but that's besides the point.

I was reminiscing with my friend about how every year in elementary school, we got to dress up in our costumes and go to class. Kids would come out of their parents car decked out in princess outfits, or super hero costumes, or even as fridges (Hi Maddie). But I never did. I always had this weird feeling that every year, on Halloween, every single kid in that school wanted to prank me, and I would show up being the only one in costume. I know it sounds super psychotic, but I seriously felt that everyone was out to make my life miserable. My mom would beg me to just put on the costume and show up like everyone else, but I always ended up wearing regular clothes and stuffing the outfit into my backpack, only to find out that I was being crazy, and change in the bathroom before class started.

I never figured out how this idea came about. I mean, I was never bullied, except by this one girl in kindergarten who said I had to give her $20 or she'd put a curse on me forever (which led to me crying and begging my mom for money after school, and her explaining that this situation isn't real, and that the fellow 4-year-old can't actually do that, thank god).

Now, I am a lot more confident with myself and the people who surround me. Yeah, it took around 18 years to get here, but if that's what it takes, then so be it. I feel like trust is something that can honestly change your perspective on the world. If you can't trust those who are in your life, then you can't completely enjoy their company, and then you can't truly be yourself.

I'm still working on it, as many people are. I'm still hit with random thoughts that make me think that someone may be lying to me about how they feel. I'm still an over-thinker, and I still make up imaginary scenarios in my head that set me up for this un-trustworthy mindset. But, what can you do? Just gotta live it out, man.

I'm excited for Halloween this year, and you best believe that I'm gonna wear the shit out of that costume, whether or not others are too.

Hugs and kisses,

s.k.s