Is there a Cure for the Burnout Disease?

It’s hard to recognize burnout until you’re a couple years in and have normalized the anxiety of always pushing yourself a little too far.

I’ve always been the kid that felt academic validation equaled being more seen. As if every time I got an ‘A’, someone in my family would recognize my successes more, or my peers would see me in a different light. I was good at math growing up. Just math, maybe science. I was alright at Spanish, but please keep history away from me or I’ll crumble to the ground and cry about taking an AP test for the class I voluntarily signed up for.

But being seen was my drive. I saw myself not through personality traits, but through letters. If I saw a ‘C’, I failed. I failed my mom, and her countless hours of taking me to “Math Counts,” where I would get to middle school early on Wednesday mornings, and do math problems with the smartest kids I know. I failed my friends, who thought of me as a good student. I failed my peers who were impressed by the amount of classes I took. It’s like, if I didn’t do things to impress others, then why did I do it?

It’s weird because I was never raised in a strict, hostile family where my mom would get upset with me if I didn’t do well. She saw my effort, and she was always proud, but why I wasn’t I proud of myself then?

I’ve come to realize that my coping mechanism of stress and anxiety is adding more things to my plate. Weird coping mechanism to be honest. I’d rather have a tendency to get like.. crazy tattoos or something, but instead I just add more and more until I don’t have the time to process what I’m feeling.

I get into a fight with someone I care about - I add Business Administration as another major

I get out of a relationship - I start to study real estate, and finish the course in three months

I get my feelings hurt - I add marketing as a minor

I feel like from the outside, people see it as so positive. “Wow! You have a big load, don't you?” “That is so impressive, you handle it so well!” “Please tell, how do you manage your time with all of these responsibilities?” And I love these comments, I really do. I love feeling like I have everything under control, and that I am just so insanely talented to juggle all of this, and also have a big girl job on top of it.

But I can barely keep up with myself.

Not in a bad way. I don’t have a case of “want to die”s or anything (Rachel will understand that reference). It’s just come to the point where I’ve lost the ability to see the success of what I’m doing. I’m no longer proud of myself for getting straight A’s. I’m not proud of my job position, or my majors, or my internships. I just feel… nothing. I’m not proud of myself, because this is what I am supposed to do. This is normal to me. If anything, I still feel like I’m not doing enough.

On the bright side, things are looking up! (I think). I’ve started limiting my social media time to 10 minutes a day. I sense that comparison plays a lot into how I’m feeling, so might as well start somewhere. I’ve seen a lot of wonderful friends this past week, which has been really nice.

Side note/Update: It has officially been a month or so of no social media. It really changes your life, but we'll get into that another time.

I know that this may just be a phase that will come and go in a month or so, but when did we start to normalize this type of behavior? How many college students feel so burnt out that they can't even see the achievements they've done? If I'm feeling this way, I know for sure someone out there is feeling the exact same way.

If someone has a resolution to this, please loop me in (asap). How do people cure the burnout disease? And how can we keep it away?

Please tell me I’m not crazy. I really do not have time for more therapy. (That’s a joke, therapy is great. Hi Brittney).

I do want to note that although life is busy, life is great. Yes, I am experiencing a constant state of exhaustion, BUT I have friends that make me feel alive! I also have books that give me a break. I know that this is all temporary, so I'm looking forward to working on celebrating small accomplishments and seeing my hard work get me far

Go celebrate yourself!

Sky